What a year. It was the best of times it was the worst of times - emotions were felt to the core whether positive or negative and that my friends is the definition of parenthood. The hardest thing about becoming a mom is not the sleepless nights or the constant feeling of uncertainty, to me it’s the fact that it’s become socially unacceptable to be honest. Somehow motherhood has becoming associated with butterflies, unicorns, and permanent smiles. We all have been told it’ll be hard, but worth it and that we will do it all with a smile, never doubt our decision, and God forbid in a moment of crisis you wish your kid away (and then cry half the day for feeling that way) because oh that little bundle of joy will give you the power to overcome everything. While certainly true, it doesn’t mean you’ll have a the power to do it all with a smile.

Mommying is lonely because at some point we all decided that a struggling mom can’t say ‘I wan’t a break from it all’ without being judged. A mom who hasn’t slept in nights or the one who hasn’t gone to the bathroom alone in months is no allowed to wonder ‘what have I done to myself’. The mom who has made huge career sacrifices is not allowed to wonder if she’ll every feel as accomplished again as she watches dreams sail away, because hey - women out there are CEO’s, run Facebook, and have perfect families that sit together to dinner at 5:30.  She's not allowed to voice out her doubts, she’s not allowed to say that motherhood sometimes feels like a train wreck. We all just sit around posting cute, posed for, happy looking pics and in the meantime everyone is going through the same thing. Everyone has days they wish their was boarding school for infants, but sadly it’s not ok to say that out loud. So we all sit around, looking and wondering if everyone else has figured it out except ourselves. It’s silly that the technology that was created to bring people together can be the most isolating at times. 

Ok - I recognize that in moments of sanity one can obviously realize 95% of the people filter their posts to show the best of their lives. In moments of sanity one can logically come to the conclusion, that of course other moms are feeling the same way. In moments of peace, one can google and see that some random person you never met out there is going through the same struggles. But lets be real, who has moments of sanity and peace where they can think logically when raising a baby? haha now that I’ve digressed three paragraphs, I can get back to my 2016 reflection.. as I was saying: 2016 was the best of times and the worst times. I can truly say it was the hardest year of my life and that says a lot for someone who has moved 7 times and lived in 8+ cities. The good thing is that it didn’t kill me and what doesn’t kill you…. makes you stronger! haha or sleepier and crankier but either way, here I am in 2017 ready to face the new year with a new attitude. Since one of my resolutions is to be happier, I figured: step 1 let go of the bad memories from 2016, step 2 reprogram my memory to remember the best of 2016 in hopes that when I look back I focus on the positives that will be used this year for momentum. 

So without further a do the positives of 2016

Chiara Loves Daycare

Chiara is Smiley and Happy

Chiara is Social and Loves People

Chiara isn’t the best sleeper, but she’s getting there

Chiara is active, I can see a future athlete in her - we’ll all have something in common

Chiara loves the outdoors - so do I

Chiara loves swimming 

Chiara turned one - and we were all still alive & healthy

We bough and moved into a place we love

We had our first Canadian Christmas and it was everything I wanted and more

I got to go skiing for the first time in forever. It wasn't easy trip - expect blog on this - but the moments I got to myself on the slopes were rejuvenating

Justin had an amazing year - his stats were off the chart

Boys made it to the cup final (all the sacrifices - don’t get me started on them were worth it)

Justin and I started going on more date nights

I started work again - expect a blog on how that made me feel

Family came to visit often and that made me so happy. Family is everything to me

I guess if I look at 2016 with unicorn sun-glasses and focus on the goods, one day I’ll think of it fondly. In the meantime 2017 - you better be greater!