I still vividly remember the days where I’d count down to the weekend, even though they feel so long ago, it was only 3 years ago. The reality is that as a mom of a high energy 100% extroverted toddler and now an infant (who’s great but obviously still a lot of work), I could care less that it’s the weekend. It’s not that I don’t like being around family or spending time with my kids. Those who’ve followed my parenting journey know that’s far from true. I’m just a big believer of quality over quantity and I apply that to my relationship with my kids. Weekends are high quantity and sometimes not so much quality. It’s 48-60 hrs of focusing on the girls and most specifically keeping Kiki entertained, whether it’s at home or taking her places. Weekends without preschool and with young kids means lots of work for us parents.
Kidless weekends meant sleeping, brunching, taking it slow, reading a book, maybe working out.. lounging around. Weekends with kids means waking up at the same time as any other day and ready to hit the ground running the main difference with week days is that unless we pay for a sitter, we get no break. Not that I let them call the shots or anything like that.. but my kids are still young enough that they don’t grasp the concept of a lazy morning, or a quiet afternoon. They also are too young to be left alone to wander when they wake up. So, weekends for me, are no longer associated with rest and recovery. Don’t get me wrong, we do make lots of great memories and have fun, but it is also at times, exhausting.
Sunday morning..7am, we’ve already had breakfast.
C: Play with me mommy, let’s read, let’s get to the park, let’s jump on this couch.. TOGETHER. Let’s move all the toys from one room to the other and back. Did you see how neat the play set I made in my room is? Let’s go back upstairs I want to show it to you!
J: Ok, give me two more min on this couch. Maybe tidy that up and then we can go?
C: No no no, I’ll play with that later… Can I have a snack?
J: Sweetie, it’s not even 8:30, slow down.
(Actually don’t slow down because if you don’t get tired, there will be no nap, I think to myself)
Would you want to jump on these cushions by yourself?
C: No... it’s boring by myself. Ok let’s do play doh. I’ll be the chef, you can make the cupcakes. Oh Mom, wait isn’t it preschool time yet?
Dun dun dunnnn.
J: Sorry kiddo, no school today.
C: Can my friends come over? Can you text their moms? Text them mommy pleaseeee!
J: We will be seeing your friends, just not before 10am ok?
I recognize that it has been getting better. There used to be a time that we we had to be out the door on the way to the park by 9:00-9:30. Now a days “I’m Lucky”…Kiki will be entertained by calmer activities, but she still needs help setting it up and wants my participation. She also just doesn’t shut up haha which means even when she’s calm, I still get no quiet. Anyway, of course I let Kiki be bored and watch what she comes up with, but most of her ideas involve me. So I don’t get to be too tired to talk, or too tired to not use my brain. I don’t get to be tired and sit on the couch for hours. I don’t get to have a grouchy day where I can sit in silence until my mood is better and I actually want to see people. So yea, like any adult I have moments or days where I really don’t feel like talking, or playing, or moving at all, but those days I still have to show up for them. I need to be present physically and mentally.
The thing is, I genuinely do love playing with Kiki and talking with her. She’s pretty funny and always has something to say. Whether it’s Justin, I, or both of us we always spend time with her in the evenings. We play, we talk, she helps us with dinner, when she’s in a good mood and happy it truly is the absolute best. The whole fake presence doesn’t work for her, when I’m with her I have to be and want to be present.
And yes yes I realize one day she’ll want nothing to do with me. That’s why I do my best to show up. But I’m not perfect and honestly enjoying every single moment like it’s the last is unrealistic .. (read about that here or here or here.. or simply google it, there's tons of good posts on it and I’m not about to re-write what others have covered so well).
I’m not complaining or asking for pitty. I’m simply explaining why sometimes I’m not as psyched about the weekend. I’m also sharing so parents who are having a rough day, know they’re not alone. I’m explaining why some days I’m too tired to relish every single second as if it were the last. On those days I make sure everyone is fed and alive by bed time. At the end of the day I sit down with Kiki and we talk about how the day went. I listen to what her take is on how it went and if she talks about good memories, then I let go of the guilt and the bad moments. If she doesn’t have much to say, I promise her tomorrow will be better and I make it a point to get some rest so that tomorrow I can, in fact, be better.