5 months after Justin and I started officially dating I was faced with a very tough conversation to bring up to him: Valentine’s Day and my desire ignore the all too cheesy holiday that seemed to cover campus in paper hearts and hallmark cards. I knew he wasn’t a hopeless romantic, but I also knew that this day had he power of making the most lovey people become haters and the most cold hearted beings melt into huge piles of cheesy romance. Fortunately for me I had found a guy that not only respected my desire, but also felt the same way. We both agreed that neither of us understood the purpose of the day and that everyday we got to be together was already a celebration of a great partnership.
When Justin showed up at my dorm room that 14th of February, I was excited to see him, but surprised to see that he was hiding something behind his back. As I opened my mouth to tell him, I thought we said no presents, no gestures, he beat me to it and told me he had simply written me a letter, not for Valentines but for our 5 month anniversary. He gave me the letter and let me get back to my studying, which after I read that letter, I never got around to. In his letter, he told me about how he’d always wondered what it’d be like to have someone on Valentine’s Day and that he couldn’t understand what the big fuss was all about. So he had done some research on the origins of the day and not surprisingly it has nothing to do with the modern day holiday. He was happy I was on the same page with him regarding this day and he had realized that what he had seen in couples on prior Valentine’s Days he got to live every day with me. I’m not going to lie; it was probably one loveliest letter I had ever gotten from a guy. It was just the right amount of sweet without making me feel cheesy or awkward. So after this long introduction, I’d like to share what I learned on that day about Valentine’s Day and how I feel about it today.
There are many legends and stories, but they all start out with the same premise. St. Valentine’s was a Christian martyr who was imprisoned for performing weddings for soldiers (who weren’t allowed to marry as they were believed to fight better if left unmarried) and for Christians who were being persecuted by the Roman Empire, a pagan empire at the time. The religious celebration of Valentine’s Day had no romantic connotations. In fact, the day didn’t become a day of “love” until Chaucer mentioned Valentine’s in his poem “Parlement of Foules” during 14th century. The poem was written to honor the first anniversary of engagement of King Richard II (England) and Anne Bohemia and the line in the poem that started all of this was: For this was on St. Valentine's Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate. The funny thing, birds don’t mate in February in England, it’s freezing then! He was probably referring to May 3rd, which is the day Valentine of Genoa was celebrated on the liturgical calendar, and this Valentine was a bishop. Ha! Leave it to the French to cheese up an otherwise non-romantic holiday.
The thing about Valentine’s Day is that to me it seems like an over commercialized, fake day. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate Valentine’s Day, I think it’s great that people take the time to celebrate love, I just think that most of the time, it’s not as genuine as it could be. I appreciate that as we grow up life gets in the way and a lot of couples, especially those with time consuming jobs or kids, don’t have the same amount devotion and dedication to each other that they once had. I think it’s great, that there is a day that forces these people to stop and give each other the time they deserve, to rekindle their love, to remember why they got together in the first place. My problem with the current way it’s celebrated is that it seems that on February 14th people forget that love is an emotion not a thing, and emotions can’t be measured in a quantifiable unit, least of all money. You can buy someone expensive jewelry, fancy cars, hundreds of trinkets and hallmark cards, you can go out to an expensive dinner, pay for an air balloon ride, or front row seats at an NBA game, but dollars spent are not a measure of love. I imagine that on that day love is in the air, but as days go by and people get back to their routines the excitement wears off and things go back to being how they were prior to that one day of excitement. I feel that maybe, it’s better to invest a minute or five a day reconnecting and loving each other than trying to cram a whole year of missed love in 24hrs once a year.
Justin and I are lucky. Our schedules allow us to have plenty of time with each other and I will always be grateful for that. We might do a little something on Valentine's day to celebrate with everyone else, but it will not and should never replace our everyday. Like he said to me exactly 7 years ago on Valentines Day of 2008: I could buy you the world and show you places you’ve never been, but I’d rather give [that happiness] to you, in the shape of me.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails..."
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7